This is a controversial issue. And, in my opinion, not very advisable. I have to tell you that first of all. You are hurt, of course, and you will want me to pay for all the pain it has caused you. To suffer as you have suffered. But understand that this will take a great emotional toll on you, and may even be dangerous.
Let’s be clear: you will not teach him a lesson by hurting him, because he will do to you what he has done to every woman who crosses his path. You will, however, get a momentary personal satisfaction.
If you still want to give him what he deserves, keep reading and I’ll give you a few ideas on how to hurt a narcissistic man.
Recommended book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself
I am going to leave you here a recommended book, Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself by bestseller author Shahida Arabi.
You can get it FREE with your Audible trial.
The book provides practical, effective solutions to neutralize the abusers and manipulators hidden among us.
Click on the book to read a few pages.
First of all, I’m going to give you some phrases that you will find to be useful: you won’t be able to dominate a narcissist with them, but they will serve to lower the tension when you have to talk to a narcissist. This in itself will hurt him, because he will feel that he is losing control, that something has changed. And that terrifies them.
The worst thing you can say to a narcissist
Narcissists always seek confrontation. They play with people by attacking their weak points. To avoid arguments and get him to get tired of playing with us, in addition to the gray rock method, we have to make him see that we are not affected by what he says.
It goes in one ear and out the other.
Do you freeze up when you talk to a narcissist? Do you want to know how to disarm him? Do you want to regain your personal control? Here are some phrases that will allow you to disarm a narcissist when he tries to manipulate you.
The phrases are taken from this video by coach Lisa A. Romano. I used them and I’m thankful for that. Check her channel for more good info.
I’m sorry you feel that way
You can answer this when they start with “I know why you say that”, “I know why you did that” (because narcissists know everything, don’t they?).
With this phrase, you unbalance them because they are forcing you to defend yourself from what they are saying. But with this, you tell them that they have the right to think what they want, and you take them out of the dynamic of confrontation.
I can accept your wrong perception of me
You let them know that they are not going to manipulate you with whatever they say or think when they are trying to start a discussion in which you do not accept their reality. But with this phrase you accept it, you cut the psychological strings that hold you down by telling them, “Do you think so? Well, okay.
I have no right to control how you see me
It’s similar to the previous one, but with this one, you go further: you recognize that you don’t agree with the way they see you, but you don’t have a problem with it. What you say to the narcissist with this sentence is: “You can see me the way you want. I’m not going to get into a battle with you over that. Not anymore.”
I guess I have to accept that this is how you feel
It’s all about accepting and allowing that person to be who they are, even if what they say hurts. The message the narcissist gets is “oh oh, I’m not going to be able to play anymore”. You send a clear message that you’re not going to play their game.
Your anger is not my responsibility
Usually, narcissists look for an empathic or codependent person who seeks validation, to be in control. In this dynamic both focus on the same person, which is the narcissist. The empathic person feels bad if he or she makes people angry. With this, you tell them that this is no longer the case.
How to destroy a narcissist in 5 steps
Let’s go a little further. The phrases I explained will allow you to regain your dignity and reclaim the control he thinks he has. Their purpose is that you won’t be hurt by his behavior and so he will stop behaving this way. Now we are going to hurt a narcissist. To hit him where it hurts. In his false image of security.
1. Switch off your feelings for him
Don’t tell him that you love him, that you need him. That is his energy: knowing that he is important makes him feel powerful. Does he tell you that he loves you? Think about it. I don’t know about you, but he never said it to me.
He’ll start to doubt himself and ask himself, “What’s wrong with her? Why doesn’t she tell me he loves me anymore?
- Stop saying nice things to him.
- Ignore him. Bit by bit, act like you don’t care.
- Make him question your emotions and your intentions.
- Make him wonder if there is someone else in your life.
You’ll see him losing the superpowers you think he has. Because you have given them to him. He is a normal person. Don’t let him fool you.
2. Learn to say NO
Don’t be always available. Stop putting him first. He feels powerful because he knows that if he tells you to come, you will come. Are you his daughter? Are you his slave?
Look at you. You’re a grown-up person. Why do you have to do everything he says? Say NO to him.
The narcissist is not used to hear a no. Especially not from you. He knows that there are people who see him as someone insignificant. But for you, it is your universe. And with you he becomes strong.
- Stop helping him, asking him, accompanying him… because all this makes him feel superior to you.
- Make up anything to be unavailable. Change. Go for a walk, go with your friends, go to see a movie. Anything.
He’s used to you saying yes. And you are used to telling him. So you may even have to fight with yourself. Tell him you can’t. The first time he’s going to be angry. He will threaten to leave you. Resist. He’s not going to leave you, because he needs you. Much more than you need him. That’s for sure. He needs the energy that he steals from you.
Saying NO is the worst thing you can do to him. In no time you will bring down his ego.
3. Turn the tables
Does he threaten you, tell you I’m going to leave you and you beg him not to? That’s how it was for me for many years. One day he threatened to divorce me if I didn’t go to the park with him and the kids! All because I told him to take them because I had a lot of work to do at home… Imagine!
What if you turn the tables and say “I’m tired of you, I’m going to leave you”? Just like that. Maybe as a joke, like they do. But you said it.
Watch out! Some narcissists are dangerous, I mean physical violence. Before you get to this step, you need to make sure that your narcissist is not violent up to that point.
The narcissist feels safe about you, he takes you for granted. He has brainwashed you to put that fear in your mind. But tell him you’re leaving, and you’ll see. “Don’t be surprised if one day you come and you don’t find me here anymore.
Then he will begin to doubt himself. He will block himself, he will blackmail you with anything. Then you will realize that what you are experiencing is not love, but brainwashing.
4. Increase your self-esteem
What happens if a narcissist sees you as being too strong and not weak? Well, a narcissist can’t have any effect on a strong, self-esteemed person.
Realize that narcissists are normal, everyday people. There is nothing special about them. A narcissist needs a weak person. That’s why he manipulates you to make you feel weak. When he meets a person with self-respect, he will change his behavior.
Narcissists try to mask their insecurities by belittling and disrespecting you. That’s the only way they can feel superior to you and feel better about themselves. Once they succeed, their mission has been accomplished. So if you really want to hurt a narcissist, you need to show him that he has failed to make you miserable.
- You have to show him that you feel good about yourself and that you see your value, even though he never saw it.
- You have to show him that you respect yourself, even though he never did.
- You have to show him that you really love yourself and that you put yourself first, even if he never did.
…because that’s really the best revenge possible.
If you do all this and then leave him, you’re going to destroy him. And the cherry on top would be…
5. Leave him and find yourself another partner
Be careful! This is not recommended. After a relationship with a narcissist, some recovery time is necessary. But under some circumstances, without forcing it, is possible that a good partner comes up after a short time.
This will give a very, very strong blow to your narcissistic ego. He was a god! What happened to the woman next to him, whom he manipulated, humiliated, treated like a toy? This woman left him for another man.
If you do all this, the narcissist is going to get a taste of his own medicine, and he’s going to have a hard time.
A narcissist is going to be obsessed with something like this.
After these 5 steps, don’t even think about going back to him: the abuse in the relationship would be even worse than before. In addition to humiliating you as he already did, he will want to punish you for the blow you gave to his ego.
How does a narcissist react to rejection?
Very, very badly, as one might expect from these beings.
As I told you before, watch out when you follow these steps! Some narcissists can become violent if they are rejected. Make sure the narcissist you want to take revenge against is not violent to that extent.
That’s why it’s important when you’ve decided to leave a narcissist, that you don’t tell anything to him. As a precaution.
And when you leave, don’t come back, because he’ll make you pay for it in full. These are experts in revenge. Beware of hoovering.
Why not getting revenge on a narcissist?
Yes, after all this, I can’t help but recommend that you don’t consciously try to hurt a narcissist. Just regain your self-esteem, get back to your life and your happiness: that will be what hurts him the most.
Some people even wonder how to make a narcissist fall in love and to kill him emotionally. But that is useless: a narcissist cannot fall in love, because he has no feelings, nor can he be finished by attacking him where there is nothing to attack. It would be like slapping the fog.
It is normal that you seek revenge because you feel impotent, you feel disempowered. But you have to understand that seeking revenge is counterproductive: it’s going to make you feel worse.
- Revenge will delay your recovery, the process of healing. You need to grieve.
- You will stoop to the level of the narcissist. These actions don’t fit with your values.
- You’ll probably end up hurting yourself.
You need to think that even though the narcissist knows he can’t get back at you directly, he may seek to hurt your children in order to hurt you. Do you really want to risk what you care about most, your children?
Narcissists love to fight, they have fun in the process. If you feed them, they will fight dirty.
You’ll become just like the abusive person. When you seek revenge you are playing the abuser’s game.
If you do something to him, he will seek to do something worse to you. And that game will go on forever. You’re putting your children, your pets, your job, your property at risk – that is, if he can’t get to you directly.
What about you? Have you taken revenge on your narcissist yet?
As I was saying, this is a controversial subject. It depends as much on your way of being and your emotional state at the time as it does on the type of narcissist you have by your side.
So if you have any ideas about how to hurt a narcissistic man, or want to share your experiences, feel free to leave them down here in the comments. United we are strong!
- Recommended book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself
- The worst thing you can say to a narcissist
- How to destroy a narcissist in 5 steps
- How does a narcissist react to rejection?
- Why not getting revenge on a narcissist?
- What about you? Have you taken revenge on your narcissist yet?