Above all, and very important: abuse does not start with hitting. That is only the tip of the iceberg. Especially in the case of narcissists, abuse is psychological. That’s why you have to be alert to certain “subtle” (or not so subtle) behaviors…
Psychological abuse test
This is a questionnaire that was passed to me at the information and resources center for women in my city. It is also known as the emotional abuse test.
It is about ticking out which of these behaviors have occurred, to evaluate the situation in which you find yourself. I couldn’t believe it, starting with a lot of doubts and ending up with a page almost full of ticked boxes, corresponding to the psychological mistreatment.
Below you can find this official test on psychological abuse so that you can realize the real situation of abuse in which you are living in.
Emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse
- Insulting, calling names, or using degrading adjectives.
- Threatening her (with death, taking the kids away, throwing her out of home, etc.)
- Criticizing and finding faults with everything she does or says.
- Forcing her to do things under threat.
- Torture her by showing her how he punishes or hurts her kids, pets, etc.
- Terrorize her by telling her what he plans to do with her and/or her kids.
- Shouting at her and ordering her around.
- Humiliate her, make fun of her or play hurtful jokes.
- Embarrassing her in front of kids, friends, acquaintances, etc.
- Blaming her for everything, even for absurd things (poor weather, etc.)
- Showing her that he doesn’t trust her or anything she does or says.
- Not taking into account her tastes, opinions, or feelings.
- Requiring her to guess her thoughts, desires, or needs.
- Being cynical, overbearing, and insolent with her and/or her kids.
- Accuse her of being a traitor, disloyal, etc. if she explains or denounces what is going on.
- Force her to listen to him for hours.
- Showing up untidy, badly dressed, or dirty to annoy her.
- Making her feel foolish, useless, weak, ignorant, incompetent, etc.
- Showing her contempt for being a woman.
- Demanding her to keep the role of wife and mother imposed by him.
- Making her obey with gestures, looks, head signals, noises, etc.
- Ignoring her, not answering her, not talking to her, pretending she does not exist.
- Looking at her with contempt, derision, and mockery.
- Keeping her busy all the time without allowing her any time for herself.
- Confusing her with contradictory arguments.
- Underrate her by reminding her of past events.
- Manifesting jealousy or continuous suspicions.
- Interrogating kids about their mother’s activities.
- Distorting things against her.
- Leaving while she is talking to him.
- Refusing to discuss problems.
- Wanting to always be right and have the last word.
- Refusing to go with her to do things she asks or needs.
- Never explaining or saying when he will arrive while demanding that she always be there.
- Giving signs that he is going with other women.
- Inducing her to commit suicide.
- Threaten to kill him to control her.
- Accusing her of infidelity.
- If they are separated, calling her all the time at night.
- Not fulfilling their promises, pacts, and agreements.
- Making comments about her appearance or physical characteristics.
- Showing her hate and love alternately.
- Demanding submission and obedience.
- Demanding constant attention in competition against the kids.
- Prepare a climate of terror that freezes her.
- Forcing her to appear happy.
- To express a rigid morality with her and the kids.
- Disavowing her in front of the kids.
Recommended book: Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
The obvious answer if you are quickly filling those boxes, is leaving. But, as I know from experience, you need to convince yourself. No matter how obvious is what you have in front of you. So I am going to leave you here a recommended book by Ramani Durvasula, PhD. which may help you to decide: Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist.
You can get it FREE with your Audible trial.
This is an easy to digest, honest and factual book with straightforward information. It will validate your experiences and help you find the courage and strength to walk away from a toxic relationship.
I honestly think it will make a difference in your life.
Click on the book to read a few pages.
Please if you feel identified with this information, seek help in woman’s associations in your country. They will guide you in your way out to a new, free life.