Narcissists are individuals:
- Lacking empathy
This feature of lack of empathy is a clear sign that defines a narcissist. On a deeper level, these characteristics are psychological defenses that protect them from low self-esteem.
Their inner emptiness requires over and over again external confirmation of their importance and value, which leads them to interpersonal exploitation. It also causes their sense of superiority to be filled with fantasies of unlimited success, power, beauty, or ideal love.
They are constantly driven to prove their worth, to mask their feelings of inferiority. They are very adept at appearing exceptionally high in self-esteem.
All this, moreover, makes a narcissist a walking Molotov cocktail: believing that they deserve everything, that the world (and those who inhabit it) is theirs + zero empathy = someone who will do anything to achieve their goals without any remorse. Surely that rings a bell about more than one politician. You’d better be far, VERY far away.
Recommended book: Protecting Yourself from Emotional Predators
I am going to leave you here a recommended book, Protecting Yourself from Emotional Predators, by a professional attorney, psychotherapist, and family court custody evaluator Steven J Wolhandler.
The book provides practical effective solutions to neutralize the abusers and manipulators hidden among us.
Click on the book to read a few pages.
11 characteristics of a narcissist
Here I will share with you an excerpt from the article The Narcissistic Father, published in Psychology Today by Mark Banschick, in which the author perfectly defines narcissistic traits. Let’s see what is a narcissistic person.
Do you know someone with a narcissistic personality? Let’s see what distinguishes these individuals from the rest:
They are self-centered
They are vain: they see and talk about themselves as if they were important, think of themselves as superior beings, and therefore capable of achievements that others would not achieve.
They use people for their own benefit
They take advantage of others, contacting someone only when it is convenient and ignoring them afterward. In general, they consider that others should help them and give them what they ask for, whether this thought is justified or not.
They are charismatic
They attract people’s attention and even admiration, and they taste that attention. They love to be the center of attention because they believe they deserve it.
They fantasize excessively
In this case, we are not talking about an image like the others: we are talking about people who tend to fantasize about their successes, prestige, and capabilities. Besides, they tend to exaggerate their achievements, so naturally that even they believe them. Consequently, their goals are unrealistic.
They don’t take criticism well
Criticism really hurts them, so they often react badly to it. Their reaction may be to ignore those who express them, to eliminate them from their lives, or even to try to harm them again, as the case may be.
When they get angry they are scary
They are not necessarily violent people, but when they get angry they express it with shouts, insults, or some of them even go so far as to attack the person who has upset them.
They are distant and not very empathetic
This is because, no matter how emotional they are, they find it difficult to use empathy: they are indifferent to the feelings of others. They do not necessarily desire the evil of others, and may to some extent care about those around them, but this is certainly not their strong point in being so self-centered.
They constantly seek social gratification and approval
Despite their excessive ego, they need to know that others value them as much as they do themselves. That’s why narcissistic parents spend less time with their family than other parents. They also value more the opinion of people outside the family, especially the more influential they consider them than those close to them.
They always do what they like
Narcissists have trouble putting themselves in other people’s shoes, so when they have to do activities with others they will tend to propose activities that they like. This attitude includes their interactions with their own children, and when they ask to play with them the parent will usually try to get the child to play something he or she likes, assuming that the child will “logically” like it too.
They like to brag about those around them almost as much as they like to brag about themselves
This includes above all their children, as you can afford some control over them that you cannot with others. Therefore, if they have qualities to boast about, they will exaggerate them, while if they have defects they will tend not to mention them or even deny their existence. At least before others, since the attitude in the family can be very different.
It is difficult to get from them what we (emotionally) need
This aspect is especially important when exercising your role as a parent: even though they fulfill their obligations on a material level, they do not usually do so on other more subtle levels. For example, your child will require their attention and affection but will only attend to those needs sporadically and surely when it suits the parent.
Do these 11 characteristics of a narcissist ring a bell?
It must be taken into account that an individual with a narcissistic personality does not usually have all the traits described, although he or she will present the majority. We can also find people who have only some of these characteristics: in this case, we would talk about someone with narcissistic traits, not someone with a narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissistic personality: examples
Here is an example of a person whose picture should be in the dictionary next to the definition of a narcissist: Cristiano Ronaldo. The fact is that, time and again, he shows narcissistic traits in abundance.
In the case of this photo, he is from the duty court. At the bottom of the photo: “On vacation with my family on the French Riviera. Enjoy the views.”
So, where is the family? Where are the views, apart from him in the foreground? As the tweeters say, the family must be the abs. What I’m saying, a perfect example of a narcissistic person.
This could be taken as a “joke” (for narcissists). But there was another occasion with much more malice if you can call it that, of runaway ego.
Runaway ego in the European Cup
When he left Real Madrid for Juventus, he announced it on the same day that the European Cup was to be held, which Madrid had won. Thousands of fans waited on the pitch for the celebration of the trophy, overflowing with joy. And what did some (I think I remember) 40,000 people end up chanting? Hale Madrid? We are the champions? No, those 40,000 people ended up chanting “Ronaldo stay”.
That way he managed to be the center of attention of the celebration, almost more than the celebration itself. It also helped him to somehow “take control” of the event, not to be just another person. A vile maneuver to turn the “celebration” upside down and increase the ego of a person who is clearly empty of self-esteem and who is only looking for recognition from others. I’m not exactly from Madrid, but that gesture was very, very ugly.
What are we going to say about this gentleman? It has already been proven by both active and passive that he is narcissistic to the core. Zero empathy with human beings: separating families? caging children? carrying his wife like a vase and without giving her any importance, taking care of her appearance (at least he thinks he looks good, even though he looks like an orange).
Trump and coronavirus
Specific examples of Donald Trump’s narcissism? He does a lousy job of managing the coronavirus crisis and, instead of apologizing (as UK President Boris Johnson did), what does he do? He blames the WHO (World Health Organization). And at the same time, he leaves them without funds: so that they can see that they have behaved badly, he punishes them.
The bleach story was already a big deal. Without having any idea of medicine, but since he knows everything, he gave the great remedy to cure the coronavirus: injecting bleach into a vein, which has been shown to clean very well, hey. And it eliminates the coronavirus. And its host.
Oh, he also recommended sunbathing. His advisors, after this monumental blunder, told him to be quiet and not to give any more press conferences.
This was Trump’s “explanation” for not appearing in front of the press anymore:
“What is the point of holding press conferences when the failed media ask only hostile questions and then refuse to report the truth or the facts accurately?
That’s all there is to it. I am the greatest one, and you, who are failures, are all against me.
More on Trump and the coronavirus: the United States Congress approved giving aid to people in need in the form of $1,200 checks. These checks are usually signed by an official, but what signature will they bear this time? Donald J. Trump. As if he were the one who gave you the money.
Also, as he suddenly said, the business of printing them again with his signature caused the distribution of aid to be delayed.
The worst thing is that this gentleman governs in a very powerful and influential country. Because Ronaldo looks, there he is, and if you want to listen to him, and if not you don’t. But Trump is a danger to his country and to the world.
Edit: luckily for the world he lost the presidential election. Well, no, he didn’t, because everyone else was against him. Of course, he won. Oh my, that was so ridiculous…
Causes of narcissistic disorder: the narcissistic wound
Is the narcissist born or made? It seems to point more towards the latter. When they were children, the now narcissists suffered a hard childhood, as they caregivers:
- Ignored then
- Constantly criticized them
- Required them to meet unrealistic standards
- Allowed to do anything they wanted
- Made them feel special
All of this was applied as the caregiver felt that day. An explosive combination for children in need of love and understanding.
Consequently, they needed to develop powerful defenses against the loneliness, rejection, pain, and humiliation that came with such a terrible upbringing.
These circumstances of their childhood caused the so-called “narcissistic wound”. So unconsciously, over time, they managed to “inflate” their deflated egos by at least cultivating the illusion that they were actually far superior to the harmful messages they constantly received growing up.
We need to see that terrible childhood as an explanation for the behavior of narcissistic individuals. In no case as a justification. It is a big, big difference: the empathic nature of the victim would make them accept and justify the abuse.
Narcissism, unfortunately, is the disease of our time. It is where our current model of life leads us to.
Keep your empathy under control
Remember that you have nothing to do with the narcissistic wound, it’s their problem. Your empathy may make you want to help him: DON’T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
Don’t feel sorry for them. They are no longer the poor little boy who could have been cured in his day. Now they are, as many people call them, human predators.
Narcissists are adults. It is THEIR responsibility to get help to heal (which doesn’t mean they will, of course). It is not our responsibility to heal them or feel bad for them while they are hurting us, and instead, they are doing nothing to get better. Nor is theirs, because according to their inflated egos it’s all the others who have a problem.
Recommended book: Narcissism: Denial of the True Self
How do narcissistic children evolve?
These children and adolescents were unable to develop a positive and stable attachment to their parents that made them feel loved and accepted.
The future narcissists were brought up to feel and act “privileged” by being spoiled and were told they were special. This, coupled with criticism for not achieving goals too high for them, means that most are now suffering from low self-esteem.
This bad childhood makes the child hide behind a mask. The mask he will continue to wear throughout his life.
You will never know the real person behind the mask because they are too afraid to show themselves or expose themselves.
So in the end we can answer, what is a narcissistic person? Narcissists are damaged people who no longer want to try, but hide behind the falsehoods they create to protect themselves.
The result of having parents who neither cared for nor approved of them is that they learned not to trust anyone, and as adults, they refuse to accept the risks involved in having someone else actually approach them.
Therefore, their relationships are totally superficial. To feel safe in an intimate relationship they need to keep their partner at a distance: true intimacy with a partner is forever out of their reach.